Slightly Frayed, In Need of Repair

So, I finally heard back...I have an appointment with the therapist but not until May 14th. This past year is keeping them very busy. Guess writing is going to have to do for now. Alright, enough of that. Let's talk about the new neighbors. Around the age of 9, a family moved in next door. I was super excited because they had a daughter a year older than me and now I would have someone to play with. My own sister is seven years older, so, we didn't spend much time together. The little girl and I became fast friends and she spent a lot of time over at my house, but we didn't spend much time at hers. I remember I used to hear yelling often coming from their place and I remember the few times I did go over, the house was really messy.  It's funny the things you remember. I used to get this feeling like something wasn't quite right, but on the other hand, I was jealous that they ate Ragu spaghetti sauce. For the life of me I have no idea why that made me jealous, consid...

To be so innocent, so unaware of the evil that was so cleverly disguised. How I wish I could go back and tell her to be aware, to be on her guard at all times. I was in the 2nd grade when this picture was taken and it would be 3 more years before the first incident took place. When I think back on everything that I have experienced, it almost feels as if I'm looking at some Lifetime drama movie of the week. Seriously, this can't be my actual life. I mean, how much crappy stuff does one person have to experience. There's a reason I decided to start my story at age 7 instead of 9. This was about that time that the teasing began. As you can see from the picture, I was a chubby kid and that makes you a target for people to make fun of you. I've never understood why people think you're not as smart, just because you're overweight. It was even worse since my last name was Baker. I still hear the taunts, "Bake me a cake, as fat as you are!"  I tried not to le...

 By the way, did I mention I hate waiting? Didn’t hear back from anyone today. Seriously having an argument with myself about whether or not I should contact them tomorrow. I guess I’ll give them one more day, then I am contacting them. Honestly, I bet they’re really busy. I should have patience but anyone who knows me knows that’s not one of my strong suits. Have you figured out what’s going on yet? I keep debating on whether or not I should give you more details. I think what it comes down to is that I’m still procrastinating. For some reason I think it’ll be easier once I’ve gotten the phone call. OK, I’m going to give it one more day and no matter what, I’ll start sharing my story. Damn, this isn’t going to be easy.

So I did a thing today. It’s been a long time coming, but I know I’ll never mend if I keep going on as I have. God,  it was so hard dialing the phone number. I literally made  myself physically ill; my stomach was in knots, I kept having to use the restroom, and I had no appetite. But that wasn’t even the worst of it. The old feelings of anxiety we’re trying so hard to rise to the surface. I hate fucking anxiety!  As soon as the person answered, I knew there was no going back; I had to move forward. Of course, after almost 15 minutes waiting on hold, I find out that I needed to send an email. I have to admit, I did consider ditching the whole idea, but I put my big girl  panties on and I wrote the damn thing. Man, I really hated seeing it staring back at me in black and white, but I hit “send”.  I got a response pretty quick. It was pretty cool that they recognized how hard it must have been for me to write the email and they assured me that they would forward m...