The new neighbors

So, I finally heard back...I have an appointment with the therapist but not until May 14th. This past year is keeping them very busy. Guess writing is going to have to do for now.

Alright, enough of that. Let's talk about the new neighbors. Around the age of 9, a family moved in next door. I was super excited because they had a daughter a year older than me and now I would have someone to play with. My own sister is seven years older, so, we didn't spend much time together. The little girl and I became fast friends and she spent a lot of time over at my house, but we didn't spend much time at hers. I remember I used to hear yelling often coming from their place and I remember the few times I did go over, the house was really messy.

It's funny the things you remember. I used to get this feeling like something wasn't quite right, but on the other hand, I was jealous that they ate Ragu spaghetti sauce. For the life of me I have no idea why that made me jealous, considering my mom made the best spaghetti ever. Weird, just weird. Another thing that was weird was her dad. He was always in a bathrobe whenever I was at their house and he didn't say much, but he always seemed angry. I'm sure that was a big contributor in us not hanging out at her house. as well as the fact that she had a younger sister and brother that would constantly bug us.

For the most part, it was just a normal friendship. We rode bikes together, played games, make believe, basically what most 9 & 10 year olds do. We even went to the grand opening of a new amusement park together.

But all of that was going to change.

My life would change forever.

Comments

Let the grooming begin

This past month has been quite the eye opener. Since my last post I have seen my new therapist twice. I like him. I think he was a little shocked when I gave him the short version of my crazy life, but it was also very helpful. I'm doing two group therapy sessions each week. One is for PTSD skills and the other is for Depression. Not gonna lie, I hate online classes of any kind. It's just weird because no one has their cameras on. Feels very impersonal. My therapist recommended that I concentrate my efforts on what is being taught and not so much on the environment. Good advice! Well enough of that, where did I leave off? Oh yeah, the neighbors moved away. They literally moved the entire mobile home out of the space and that was it, they were gone. It wasn't that long after that a new mobile home was moved into the space and a married couple moved in. They didn't have any children, but they were very friendly. The summer after they moved in, their niece came to visit.

Day 2 Is anybody out there?

By the way, did I mention I hate waiting? Didn’t hear back from anyone today. Seriously having an argument with myself about whether or not I should contact them tomorrow. I guess I’ll give them one more day, then I am contacting them. Honestly, I bet they’re really busy. I should have patience but anyone who knows me knows that’s not one of my strong suits. Have you figured out what’s going on yet? I keep debating on whether or not I should give you more details. I think what it comes down to is that I’m still procrastinating. For some reason I think it’ll be easier once I’ve gotten the phone call. OK, I’m going to give it one more day and no matter what, I’ll start sharing my story. Damn, this isn’t going to be easy.

You gotta start somewhere

So I did a thing today. It’s been a long time coming, but I know I’ll never mend if I keep going on as I have. God, it was so hard dialing the phone number. I literally made myself physically ill; my stomach was in knots, I kept having to use the restroom, and I had no appetite. But that wasn’t even the worst of it. The old feelings of anxiety we’re trying so hard to rise to the surface. I hate fucking anxiety! As soon as the person answered, I knew there was no going back; I had to move forward. Of course, after almost 15 minutes waiting on hold, I find out that I needed to send an email. I have to admit, I did consider ditching the whole idea, but I put my big girl panties on and I wrote the damn thing. Man, I really hated seeing it staring back at me in black and white, but I hit “send”. I got a response pretty quick. It was pretty cool that they recognized how hard it must have been for me to write the email and they assured me that they would forward my request to the right p

Slightly Frayed, In Need of Repair

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