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Still so innocent.

To be so innocent, so unaware of the evil that was so cleverly disguised. How I wish I could go back and tell her to be aware, to be on her guard at all times. I was in the 2nd grade when this picture was taken and it would be 3 more years before the first incident took place. When I think back on everything that I have experienced, it almost feels as if I'm looking at some Lifetime drama movie of the week. Seriously, this can't be my actual life. I mean, how much crappy stuff does one person have to experience.

There's a reason I decided to start my story at age 7 instead of 9. This was about that time that the teasing began. As you can see from the picture, I was a chubby kid and that makes you a target for people to make fun of you. I've never understood why people think you're not as smart, just because you're overweight. It was even worse since my last name was Baker. I still hear the taunts, "Bake me a cake, as fat as you are!"  I tried not to let it bother me, but it did, and I coped with it by eating more, which of course made me more chubby, and so and so on. Stupid fucking cycle! 

This teasing began the low self-esteem and trying to find ways to make myself feel better about myself. Unfortunately, the choices I made were never good ones. Most were just little white lies to try and impress other people, but others over the years had consequences that were not great and not only hurt me, but others as well. (This will all come out later)

You never know how a word or phrase can change someone's life. It's not always bad, but we do have to remember that words are very powerful. 

Next time I'll talk about the beginning of innocence lost.

 

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