The night that changed everything.

Before I tell you what happened on this particular night, I want you to know that I have been procrastinating for several days. These next words are going to be some of the hardest I write and I have to warn you that what I will be sharing may be disturbing to many. In fact, it should be disturbing, because this never should have happened. I am telling my story, not for you to feel sorry for me, but because I need to heal. I need to stop feeling guilty for something I never asked for. I need to not feel shame or embarrassment because of the events that took place. I need to be able to tell that little girl that it wasn't her fault. I need to move on and stop letting this have power over my life. And maybe, just maybe, my words might help someone else.

As best as I can remember, I was 9 or 10 years old on this particular evening. If you read my previous entry, then you know I had a neighbor next door that I had become friends with. I don't remember the specifics, but on this particular evening, I had been invited to to sleep over at her house and this was the first time. I couldn't tell you what we did that evening, but one memory that stands out was that she only had a twin bed. No big deal, right? Two little girls sharing a bed, just like some siblings might have done.

I wish my memories were clearer, but I do remember getting into bed and we might have been playing pretend, I'm not 100% sure, but the next thing I know, she is putting her hand down my underpants and starts touching me. She also told me to be real quiet. I remember being scared, but also feeling this strangeness throughout my body and then my whole body kinda shivering. She then took her hand away and that was it. I had no idea what had just happened. It felt wrong and right all at the same time. I was so confused. The next day, nothing was said, I went home.

I honestly have zero memories of her after that night and I know it wasn't long after, they moved away. I don't know if I have blocked out memories, or if there are none to remember, but what I do know is that what happened that evening would be nothing compared to what was coming.

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Slightly Frayed, In Need of Repair

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