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It All Starts So Innocently


There are so many different ways an abuser can groom a child. I can't speak to all of them, but I can share with you how my abuser groomed me.

Building trust is key and having their niece, who was the same age as me come to stay for the summer was the beginning of building that trust. It was a perfect opening for having me come over to their house. We got along great and I remember being somewhat in awe of her. She seemed so much more mature and worldly to me and I wanted to be just like her.

The neighbor's mobile home was pretty cool. At one end, there was a full bar. I remember we would sit at the bar and feel so grown up. There were books on how to make cocktails and the bar was stocked with a huge variety of alcohol, liqueurs, and mixes. One day I was asked if I would like to be the bartender and make drinks for the adults. I thought that was the coolest thing ever. He walked me through on how to make margaritas and then encouraged me to taste it, "just to see what it was like". I had tried wine and other things at home with my parents before, so this didn't seem wrong, but over time, the tastes eventually turned into an entire drink, sometimes more. 

I was encouraged to invite others over to the house. Many of my friends, female and male, started coming over and this was the place to be. We could drink, smoke cigarettes, play loud music and just have a great time. It never occurred to me that the drinking was really wrong. Maybe it was the times, or I was just too naïve. The funny thing is, I was more concerned about my parents finding out I was smoking, rather than the drinking.

Alcohol is a very powerful tool. It completely breaks down our inhibitions and can make us extremely susceptible. I liked feeling like a grown up. I was praised for how well I made drinks and how well I handled my alcohol. For a little girl just entering junior high, feeling awkward about her appearance, drinking gave me the confidence I lacked at that time. This predator knew that and used that against me.

With alcohol in my system, this opened me up for the next stages of his grooming. It's crazy how one thing leads to the next.
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